I was so focused on the why, I couldn't get past it. I was obsessed with it. Come to find out, the "why" only proves someone wrong. Besides, as you so humorously pointed out, the answer really doesn't matter. I loved the examples given to answer the question why he disappeared.
The few you made up made me laugh. Ultimately, the answer to my worrying about why men left me was so simple. If I focused so much energy on the previous man, I would never be open to the next man Although you pointed out the obvious to someone who thought themselves connected, I realize this is just the first step in my transformation to becoming a woman that men will want to meet and stay with. Rather than focus all my energies on changing them, I will need to move that focus to me, stop controlling, and learn to enjoy the moment.
After listening to your audio, I felt so relieved. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I was doing what appeared to come naturally. My motto of 'just make it work' was making me wrong. When that happened, I felt helpless in my relationships.
I, now have, a renewed interest in finding the partner for me and am giving the 'giving up the control' a sincere effort. It is difficult after 55 years of life to look at relationships differently, but I am willing to put in the work, trust my instincts, and forget the 'why'!!!
Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!! Your forever follower,. That hurt. I mean really, really hurt. I read the entire book in one sitting. Reading Why He Disappeared was like reading my own personal dating history replete with failures. Except this time, I have the opportunity to get it right.
I just told my boyfriend of 3 months yes, he does all of the things on the checklist that I totally trust him This came as the result of another single, mutual friend of ours trying to sabotage our relationship.
It made us stronger. It made me anxious to buy Evan's book. I am a successful, independent, African American attorney.
I live in Memphis, TN which, among other issues, does not have the greatest reputation for being a place where singles can live, thrive, and DATE. I am now dating a wonderful and successful African American man whose devotion to me never ceases to amaze me.
We are both in our late 30s I am 37 and he is 36 , and yes, I do want children someday. Neither one of us have children. Although, I am in a relationship, I found the advice on page 35 of the book regarding what men want to be highly enlightening. I too believed that just being beautiful I am often told this by men and women alike , successful, financially stable, secure, confident, and a great cook, would cause me to have men lined up down the street and around the corner--not so. I blamed it on the fact that most of the men I date have not acquired the success nor the financial stability I have, and they are intimidated.
When my guy called last night he works in corporate America and travels with his position , we talked, I giggled softly, I did not indict him for his perceived flaws, he asked if I minded cooking lasagna for him when he returns this weekend, I obliged. He called me back before going to sleep thanking me for being supportive of him.
Thanks to you, Evan, I now have a fighting chance with this relationship before knocking myself out of contention. No, I do not know whether I will marry him, but if even my excuses about the shortage of men of my ethnicity could be dissolved by reading your book, then ANY woman's excuses should dissolve just as rapidly.
Actually, you broke through to me by helping me shift my perspective. It took a while Letting go has given me confidence. But, most of all, it has set me free. I now know not every date I go on has to, or will, mean something. And instead of sweating the "what does it all mean?!
Your down-to earth attitude and easy-going demeanor made me feel at ease. I hope we can meet again and pickup where we left off. About what makes men fall madly in love with some women and completely vanish on others? There are plenty of finger-wagging "gurus" out there who will dish out the tough love. But who wants lectures when you're confused and hurting? With a unique combination of charm, wit and wisdom, Evan delivers the message you need to hear to get the love you want.
I wholeheartedly recommend this wonderful book. It is awesome! I have always struggled with the whole ''let the guy pursue you'' concept. From a woman''s perspective, I always want to be up-front about my interest level, and thought that if I didn't show interest, the guy would move on. I am in the ''courting phase'' in my current relationship yes, we met online. Every fiber of my being wanted to e-mail my new guy today, just to let him know that I was thinking of him, etc.
But after reading your book, I decided to take your advice and Don't. It was grueling! And, BTW, he had said to me casually a couple of times that ''it's all about the chase, don't forget that. And I followed your instructions, and responded happily to his e-mail and his text. Now, the other part of the book that resonated with me was written by your wife, so you get no credit. Right has a big family ''birthday dinner'' on Sunday because 4 of his family members have birthdays within a few weeks.
He did not ask me to attend this event. I was hurt at first, but after reading what your wife wrote, I understand that him not inviting me to this, has nothing to do with me. We're going on a trip to Aruba next week. I think I found you just in the nick of time. Many thanks, Evan! Your advice is spot-on, and sometimes from a female perspective hard to swallow. I felt so relieved to learn how to focus on men's behaviours instead of words, but especially, how to flatter and bring out the best in the men I was dating.
This took the pressure off, made dating more fun, and was extremely effective at making men feel comfortable. As well, I learned a very important lesson about how to recognize the good things men were doing, which I often overlooked, and forgive their minor mistakes. I applied Evan's approach and saw immediate results. Suddenly, I was in control - the men I were dating always called me back for another date.
It was so easy! I felt like I was finally effectively showing who I was during these dates: comfortable, confident, and charming.
I had so much more fun on dates because by learning how to make men feel appreciated and at ease, I really feel that I got to see the best side of them, too! Shortly after, I met a man I was very interested in but who had a very successful and busy life. Things moved slowly at first given his busy schedule. Eventually he told me I was irresistible and he had to be my boyfriend.
We couldn't be happier! I feel absolutely fantastic. There is no better feeling than knowing you are putting your best foot forward and are in control of your dating life, instead of the other way around. Using Evan's tools, I was able to effectively show men who I am, make them comfortable and at ease around me and wanting more. The result was that I let the man of my dreams walk right into my arms. It still feels surreal, it's so great!
Man, you have just changed my life. He is texting me 20 times a day Because Mr. Jump-in-the-deep-end-head-first without knowing a person As you said No amount of money You have completely changed my life But I now feel this way because a huge weight has been lifted and I have a new path and outlook for my future.
Do you have any idea how huge that is? I hope I just gave you the compliment of the year because that is big stuff; to make that kind of a difference. You got through like no one else has ever been able to. I especially liked your points about the pros and cons of smart, attractive women and the need to persevere. I think singledom is an epidemic in our country. Great advice! Your work is a practical, useful guide to successful dating and relationship management.
It's like a light bulb lighting up over one's head. I have followed to the best of my ability your advice and have succeeded in finding a truly wonderful man who actually, as he puts it, fell for me from the moment I walked into the restaurant.
I could have found a million things wrong with him and why he wasn't the one for me but this time I took pause and reflected on what you said. What a wise move that was. I have finally selected a kind, compassionate and caring man, one who knows how to love another, not just himself.
I will keep rereading your book to make sure I never slip into my old ways. My best to you,. I was getting into the dating pool again after a marriage that lasted less than 2 years, a LTR that lasted 18 years, but we stopped having sex after 8, and slept in separate bedrooms for the last 2, and a 7 yr.
I have to say, I fumbled a lot, and acted a little crazy when I first started dating again. All the things you talk about in your book, your blog, your teleconference, I did. I was the role model for girls guys hate to date! I purchased your book, and then met a wonderful man. We are together after 10 months, and happily talking about a future together.
For the first time in my life, I have not morphed into the woman that a man wants me to be A funny side note A few weeks later he had a change of heart.
I was ecstatic, and readily welcomed him back into my life. Two weeks later Yes, I repeated this one more time So long story short Then I get a text from him telling me how he dreams about me, how he wishes he could do it all over, yada yada yada BEST thing is, because of your advice, I can now see that for what it is, and ignore it, laugh about it, and go on.
It wouldn't even matter that I am in a happy relationship now So, great advice! You have truly changed my life, and in this season of giving, I just wanted you to know that! Best wishes to you and your awesome wife and soon to be awesome baby! MARY S. Something in your book spoke to me like no other dating coach did.
Most dating coaches deal with what YOU can do to make the relationship better. Even my therapist did the same thing. From the time we are children we are told you will be successful at anything if you just try. That is not always the case in dating. While your book does provide skills for successful relationships, if the guy is a jerk, he's just a jerk. Your book gave me permission to evaluate the relationship for what it was and realize this is not the man for me and finally cut the tie as opposed to trying new ways to hang on to what wasn't worth hanging on to.
Today I feel confident in myself and my ability to have a good solid relationship. I have acknowledged my own mistakes. I am also confident in knowing when it's time to get out as opposed to staying and beating my head against a wall for a year.
Your book has alerted me that regardless of how much love, understanding and acceptance I apply, it just is not going go fix someone that is a mess! I have been seeing a nice gentleman. He lives an hour away. It's a good distance that allows me to learn to be me and do my own thing and gives him the same.
I realize should the relationship grow closer, it may require more time together and less time with my girlfriends and I understand that. However, this relationship is moving at a very slow relaxed pace. It is exactly what I need right now.
I will never be with a man that de-values me ever again. I know who I am and what I can bring to a relationship. Thanks to coaches like yourself, I feel like I can approach dating on a more cerebral level instead of just emotional.
I've told myself that the next serious relationship I find myself in, my head and heart will be in sync! Thanks Evan. You Rock! I'll admit it, I used to be absolutely clueless about the opposite sex and dating. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get the men who liked me to stay in a relationship with me.
I'd make up excuses like "Oh, he's just a dick who doesn't know better' and so on, but after reading your book, I realised my mistakes. Your book however showed me ALL the answers I had ever wanted to know! He calls me the perfect girlfriend and he rates me 15 out of We never get bored of physical affection, EVER!
We have make out sessions that last for hours, and the only reason they aren't longer is because of unavoidable commitments.
He talks about us in the future, and wants our relationship to be a serious long-term one. He tells me that he loves me everyday, and he calls me beautiful. I'm going to go a bit off track here, but you will see why. My boyfriend is the guy I had wanted since 2 years ago. He is kind, funny, intelligent, logical, good looking and mild-tempered - pretty much everything you could ask for. Because of his excellent traits, he was chased by many women. Now here's the main point: Before buying this book, I thought to myself that there was no chance that I would ever be with him..
I'm so happy and I feel so blessed. He occasionally asks me 'what did you do to make me love you so much? I have been raving about it to all my girlfriends who are frustrated with the opposite sex. This book is an absolute joy to read and it's so good I bet you that you will finish it in only one day!! That's what I did! Also, I recommend you to take notes, and regularly revise over the notes, as the concepts Evan teaches may be difficult for your mind to absorb, as they were for me.
Once again Evan, thank you oh so so so much!! ANNA N. However, they are all from a female perspective. I had got into a zone of "all or nothing" I wanted to get a male perspective and your regular email updates really connected with me - I wanted to find out more.
I learned that I need to give as well as take. I was expecting the guy to make ALL the moves without giving anything back and was wondering why he was holding back. Your book really helped me to see things from a guy's perspective and allowed me to let my guard down. The funny thing is, I was at the point where I was going to end the relationship I was having. I've been seeing him for 7 months. One of the nicest and most respectful guys I've ever met sexiest too! But I felt that he was pulling away.
I expected him to make all the moves and initiate all the contact without anything from me in return. I had the "I'm always busy, I have a great life, why do I need you So how could he feel needed?! Now nobody wants to hear about personal growth and annual bonuses. Everyone wants to know only one thing: did you already get married? With this, educated and employed a matter of 20 to 24 hours a day, women have special problems. It is not about making them chase you, because they are not wolves and you are not a bunny.
Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness — after only a few months of phone coaching. His follow-up venture, E-Cyrano , was the first company that wrote online dating profiles for thousands of frustrated singles. Southern Living. Tribune Broadcasting. MBC Documentary. NT Vinh. Prince William disappeared from the invitation of his brother Harry and Meghan.
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